The way she crept into bed,I could tell it was her. It was freezing outside and her body was so warm. I held her, she kissed me on the cheek. Her hair was soft. She bit playfuly at my fingers, then began to bark. I knew she had to go out, but it was so cold. I didn't want to leave the bed even though there were some cold spots on the sheets.
While reaching for the matches on the bed table,I threw my glasses on the floor. Feeling about the bed table, I was able to feel the box of wood matches. I saw the fuzzy outline of my glasses, and picked them up to pop them on my nose. I could see my breath as it hung in the air. The metal trailer was merciless in the winter without heat. Gathering the bedcovers around me I drug myself over to the kerosene heater.
Following the same ritual of striking the match. Sharp sulpher fumes went up my nose. I lit the wick and jumped back into bed. Ginger hopped back into bed as well, curling up beside me again. Her nose was like a piece of ice, but she kept the bed so warm.
I could hear the soft sucking of the flame eating oxygen. The smell of suphur hung in the air.
2 YEARS LATER and a few
I had my own little apartment in town. It was a short drive from the clinic where I worked now. I had been trying to set money aside for the first time in my life. Everything had been done, and everyone had done everything for me. I never touched a check book to pay a bill. I knew nothing about banking, nothing.
Leaving Edgar was the hardest thing I ever did in my life, not only because of my own obvious problems, but Edgar was sad. He was always sad. I had thought he must have been born that way, but it started at the age of seven,with the death of his mother,whom he dearly loved.
I loved him very much, but I was smothering under his heavy hand and his violent unexplicable jealousy.
My going back to school entailed a great deal of sickness.. I was sick with an almost crippling anxiety everyday. Nauseous as I dressed, wretching as I brushed my teeth, not able to eat until lunchtime.
Heat began to flow through the room. How different, and almost luxurious it was living here.
Ah, wonderful, it was Saturday. I realized this after my anxiety kicked in. I popped a Valium anyway.
Just outside my front door was a screened porch, flagstone walkway, and about an acre of park. The grass was deep green in summer. There were a few large elms, and benches scattered here and there. Now it was late fall. Ginger did her business here, it was also a place for her to run off energy.
I thought a great thing to do,would be to get her ready, pack some sweats for myself, and get out to the beach. I could look over my case files there.
Traveling music was Earth, Wind and Fire, as well as a Marvin Gaye tape. My little white Pinto was old, one thing about her though, she always got to where she was headed, and safely.
I bought Gin a new red collar. I thought we could both use a bit of a change. It might have been my imagination, but I swear, she really seemed to enjoy it.
Sitting on one of the benches in our small square of park, I stole a glance at the sky. It looked alot like snow, even though it was early in the season. That would be a great surprise, to get to the beach and have snow as well.
I looked about at the other apartments. They were old, but clean, most were garden apartments ,probably from the 1950's. They all looked the same from the outside. This little corner we had was cozy and private. It was all dumb luck,school,the job, the apartment,everything.
The bricks of the buildings were dark, and the sky made them appear darker still. The outside doors were neatly painted white. On my own door I had hung a pink and purple flowered wreath.
Here came Ginger,I stepped inside again to check everything electric was off and to get my keys, fleece, and pillow. Everything was next to me, Ginger was in the back seat. "Ready girl?" She shook her body violently, the air was alive with fur,and it flew off as the breeze from the open window caught it. Flapping her big ol' ears, she was ready for the beach. We went every year.
I got a chew toy for her, food,water, hooked her up to the leash, and said so long to the apartment.
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